Last night I had a dream that I was getting a cs. In my dream it wasn't an emergency cs, but one by choice. I was prego with twins and I'm not sure if that was the reason for the cs or it was just a choice. I remember walking into my room and layed down on the bed and started crying. Although it was more than just crying, it was grief. I was crying like there had been a death but I was crying because I was getting another cs. It was a gut wrenching feeling, very hopeless feeling. Then in a vague sort of way I was on my way to the operating room and in it waiting and I kept telling myself to stop it and not let it happen. But I didn't stop it and it did happen.
Then afterwards I walked into my room to get on my bed without babies or David. There were a lot of people around like a big room and lots of kids. I was looking around for my babies but couldn't find them. I finally asked if that girl baby was mine and she was. She was big, not a newborn but a older baby. I didn't feel any connection to her at all. Like she was someone else's baby not mine.
Later I was talking to my mom and asked her where my boy was and started crying. She said that he was farther back (in my womb). I don't know what that means but apparently it meant he wasn't ready for me to hold him yet.
At that point I found David (he wasn't with me until through all this) and showed him a list of baby names for both boy and girl so we could name the babies but I didn't like any of the names. They weren't any of the names we have picked out right now. Then the dream ends and I wake up.
I remember at some point worrying about breastfeeding twins.
I'm not sure if this dream is supposed to mean something. Is this my future? Is this an attack? Was it just a dream? I don't usually dream things about how I feel about something. And in this case I felt so strongly about it and grieved so hard about it.
It's left me feeling kind of dark and sad. The way I feel about the cs alone is disturbing but also that I felt nothing for the babies that came out of me.
Then afterwards I walked into my room to get on my bed without babies or David. There were a lot of people around like a big room and lots of kids. I was looking around for my babies but couldn't find them. I finally asked if that girl baby was mine and she was. She was big, not a newborn but a older baby. I didn't feel any connection to her at all. Like she was someone else's baby not mine.
Later I was talking to my mom and asked her where my boy was and started crying. She said that he was farther back (in my womb). I don't know what that means but apparently it meant he wasn't ready for me to hold him yet.
At that point I found David (he wasn't with me until through all this) and showed him a list of baby names for both boy and girl so we could name the babies but I didn't like any of the names. They weren't any of the names we have picked out right now. Then the dream ends and I wake up.
I remember at some point worrying about breastfeeding twins.
I'm not sure if this dream is supposed to mean something. Is this my future? Is this an attack? Was it just a dream? I don't usually dream things about how I feel about something. And in this case I felt so strongly about it and grieved so hard about it.
It's left me feeling kind of dark and sad. The way I feel about the cs alone is disturbing but also that I felt nothing for the babies that came out of me.
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